Indigestion woke me up at 3 am last night.
It was both indigestion of food – and indigestion of thoughts.
They say food and mind are connected.
Eating too much at night is not good for sleep.
I was hungry after being too busy to eat at lunchtime. In addition, an unfulfilled feeling was unconsciously calling for food.
The change to a new email system, that had been going on for a few days, started taking its toll. The new system was supposed to be more stable and work better.
The transfer however, was not straight forward at all.
I was lying awake and going round and round in my head about the installation of the system and what had happened.
Wondering whether the new system would work the way I wanted it.
Worry set in.
Fear that some features might not work.
Concern about the expense of this exercise.
Upset about some feedback I took personally.
Dwelling on all this can keep you awake.
What do you do when this happens?
You could reflect on the event and your feelings about it from an objective place.
Like an observer of a football game.
That’s what I did. Here’s what happened.
A pattern emerged. Technology does not seem on my side lately.
This might sound weird. However, you can use any event as a trigger for self reflection.
Read on to find out how.
Looking at it honestly, I could see a tendency to go down a rabbit hole with technology. Spending a lot of time in pursuit of a perfect solution.
A feeling of overwhelm set in.
It’s familiar, as is the next feeling – an urge to give up, lie down and die.
On further reflection, an idea popped up.
What if it is not about ‘giving up’, but about ‘letting go’ of being a perfectionist?
Technology can show you a lot about life and how you deal with it. It’s relentless. It’s impersonal.
Last night, letting go of the perfectionist path felt like death.
It was scary to go there – an unknown and empty place.
Again and again thoughts went back to worry about the email situation.
Again and again a conscious effort to let go of it.
After a while it got easier.
Eventually, at 5 am, sleep came.
So, what is the moral of the story?
- There is a difference between ‘giving up’ and ‘letting go’
- We all have old and ingrained mind structures that can hold us back
- Sometimes we become aware of one
- Letting go of it can feel like death
- To go there, a conscious effort and courage is needed
- When we manage this transition – it’s so freeing
If you’d like some help in this, get in contact with me – I’m here to help.
Preeti
