Learning to Bounce Back and Withstand Challenges From a Position of Strength
Years ago, a friend of mine ran into his former boss on the street. The boss was a real bully, an unpleasant man with a choleric nature. My friend hadn’t actually done anything wrong, but the boss didn’t care: he had an axe to grind and he did so, in public.
Right in the middle of the street he started accosting my friend. And not in any small way: extremely harsh words were heard, all the way down the street. People came out of their houses and shops to see what the ruckus was about. It became quite a scene.
Normally, you’d expect the victim to cower, or fight back, but no. My friend just stood there, letting it happen, utterly unfazed, each offence and insult passing by – running off him like raindrops down a window.
In the end, the boss spent his energy, gave a final aggressive huff, and went off. My friend picked up his bag and went on his way, as if nothing had happened.
You might think that sort of resilient attitude is innate, that if you don’t have it you just can’t ever get it
Well, I know that it isn’t innate, but instead that it’s something you can learn – or develop, to be more precise.
But let’s be even more specific: it’s not something you learn – rather, the ability to stand tall in the face of trouble, strife, or even abuse, comes from unlearning.
See, most of us are brought up to feel small, to be fearful of the things that happen to us. We’re taught from a very early age that others are better, that we’re only people, and that at any time someone would have the right to bring us down.
It is that erroneous assumption, that we’re only human, unable to be more than what we think we are, that causes people to be so affected when life or other people throw challenges at us.
What if you could be free of that? What if you could be yourself, just right, as you are?
You’d be resilient and strong, just like my friend was. You’d come away unscathed
And what’s more: by unlearning the attitudes and mindsets that make you vulnerable, you too can achieve that.
Because let me tell you: the challenges and onslaughts aren’t the problem – it’s our reactions to them, and those reactions stem from how we see ourselves.
The same thing that brings one person to tears – say, your spouse blaming you unjustly just because they had a hard day at work – the next person won’t even perceive as anything threatening or hurtful.
So where does that come from, how does that work?
What enables a person to bounce back or be unfazed when life challenges us?
If you’ve ever tried to change your reactions, you’ve probably found that it isn’t that easy. You may have read books, or attended a workshop or maybe even tried therapy – and none of it worked.
The problem is that learning – adding information to what you already know – only goes so far: it’s a mental exercise. And knowing how something works doesn’t necessarily enable you to change your reactions, as most of us have experienced.
That’s why the resilience programs and workshops that I host aren’t about talking. Sure there’s talk, but the real change – the actual letting go of our fearful, ‘small-me’ reactions – happens on a different, subconscious level.
Building Resilience Program – How it works
The program consists of 6 sessions: the first five are a Solution-Focused coaching sessions, followed by one Ocean session.
It has its roots in System Constellations, however I’ve added more proactivity to actually facilitate the change, rather than just identify the potential for it – which is why I created Ocean as a way to guide you into actual, here & now change.
Bill’s testimonial describes the effects quite well:
During the sessions we use objects – or other participants, as the case may be – to represent facets of our history and our surroundings. By shifting the position of each facet, a direct shift in your own perception occurs.
The upshot is that without the need to directly address harmful experiences from the past, you arrive at a place where your own inner strength and resilience is allowed to come to full bloom.
Once that happens, your experience of situations that so far have always brought you down will transform dramatically. You’ll be able to deal with life in ways you never thought were within your abilities.
And, that change is real and lasting – precisely because we go beyond the level of our conscious mind, and change aspects of our subconscious.
Who is this for?
Resilience workshops have a wide range of applications, which makes it a perfect tool for life in this busy and hectic world.
Some of the challenges we face on a daily basis are:
- Work stress
- Relational problems
- Information overload
- Financial troubles
- Emotional hardships
- Traumatic experiences from our childhood that keep tackling us despite our adult mindset and acquired knowledge
In all such cases, and many more, it’s vitally important that you are able to meet the world from a position of strength: a resourceful state that tells you – and your surroundings – that you are not a victim.
You’re not subject to the things life throws at you, that’s not how it should work even if that’s how you used to perceive it.
Instead, you are an active participant in life, one who chooses how to react to events and people.
Once you develop that state of resilience, you’ll find that things become much easier to deal with. You might not be instantly as impenetrable as my friend was, but you bet that you’ll be far less affected, and that you’ll be able to bounce back without too much trouble.
Interestingly, once you begin to behave in that new and stronger way, you’re likely to find that the people around you respond. When you stand your ground in a state of strength and increased confidence, others will begin to see you and treat you differently.
We achieve this by considering the four key elements, or realities, of a state or resilience:
By rearranging how you relate to each of those states, or dimensions, you’ll see a shift in your perception and that leads to that greater resilience.
The beauty of it is that if you experience the new and stronger reaction once, it will serve as an inner guidepost for handling new or similar challenging situations.
The chance to experience resilience for yourself in the safe, non-confronting environment of constellations, means your subconscious will experience what power and strength actually lay hidden in you.
When that happens, it starts a virtuous cycle: the next time you’re confronted with a challenge, your system will recognise it and automatically pull from that previous experience, making it easier all the time to deal with situations.
In the end – and often quite soon – you’ll notice that instead of feeling drained, small, or stressed, you actually feel empowered for having ‘lived through’ the type of confrontation that previously would knock you out of whack.
Let me help you meet the world from a resourceful state of strength.
Leave me a message with the contact form below, and I’ll be in touch as soon as possible.